


Talk it Out

by Fictropes



Series: 2009 no show Dan [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Meeting, M/M, Phil's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: Maybe bumping into your sort of ex in the hallway of a hotel is a bit awkward.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: 2009 no show Dan [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944535
Comments: 9
Kudos: 66





	Talk it Out

**Author's Note:**

> Phil's POV: Bumping into Dan for the first time in the hallway at the hotel.

He’s nothing like Phil had been expecting, but then again it’s eleven years after the fact. Maybe if he’d met Dan in 2009–doesn’t matter. He hadn’t met Dan back then, he’s meeting him right here in an ugly hallway. He wants to run, has half an opportunity to because Dan isn’t even looking up, seems to be completely lost in his own little world. But there’s something stopping Phil, something that’s rooting him to the spot. He’s the one to cause the collision, to force them to quite literally smack into each other. 

It just seems like the right time, he’s getting too old to run down corridors and book events that Dan isn’t at. Getting too old to keep wondering _what if_. Because that’s what it all boils down to now, wondering what would happen if they did meet. What would happen if they met, would the entire fucking universe implode around them? It doesn’t. It all feels disarmingly normal, all feels like it might have done eleven years ago. 

Because he might be in his thirties but he’s still feeling the butterflies, and he should’ve known the one constant in his life would be the fact he’ll always want Dan Howell. He’s so fucking pretty it’s almost untrue, properly grown into all the lankiness, filled out a bit, dressed in something that isn’t a deep-v cardigan and the skinniest jeans known to man. The romper is an interesting choice, but it’s one that means Phil can’t stop staring at his legs. 

And that’s not to say he wasn’t pretty eleven years ago, because he was. It’s just now he’s more confident in himself, more willing to be out there. There’s something about seeing him so grown up and sure in who he is that makes Phil’s heart clench, makes him proud. He wants to say something, to congratulate him, to say he’d seen the video and it was amazing. More than amazing. It was a proper testament to who Dan had always been as a person. Because Phil had seem glimpses of it sometimes, who Dan could be when he wasn’t afraid. 

Phil’s not going to think too much about that though, because that’d defeat the whole purpose of not giving himself away. 

Dan speaks first, and the voice is strange in the sense that he’s only ever heard it through a screen. In real life it’s softer and far less dramatic, in real life it’s—god. Phil needs to stop being so easy for a man who broke his heart, even if he had forgiven him a long time ago—the minute it happened. He needs to stop staring, needs to stop wanting to eat Dan alive. He needs to be chill, calm, let Dan take the lead like he’d always promised to. He’s not going to say anything unless Dan mentions it first, not going to make them relive their lost love in a hallway with a carpet so violently patterned its making Phil a little dizzy. Or maybe that’s just Dan, maybe Dan has always made Phil feel a bit likes he’s not quite on planet Earth. 

And all this overthinking is working in his favour, making him appear completely conked out and unbothered to a Dan who looks _very_ bothered. It’s obvious Dan remembers who Phil is, what they once meant to each other. Obvious in the wide eyes, the rambling, the way he’s bright fucking red. And then he makes everything worse by uttering the words _food sex_ , but it honestly calms Phil down in a way he hadn’t expected. 

Dan was supposed to be this unattainable human, someone cool and charming and—he’s not. He’s a bit of an idiot in this very moment, tripping over simple words and scrambling to fix the mistakes. For a long time Phil had felt less than, unworthy of Dan’s time or attention. He’d gotten over that once he realised it was likely a bit deeper than what it looked like. But this confirmation of Dan just being a _proper_ human is nice. 

Phil takes pity on him eventually, almost reaches out to squeeze his shoulder but he drops his hand at the last minute because it feels illegal—somehow. 

“Independently? Or together?” Phil asks, referring to the whole food sex situation. He’s honestly a bit impressed with how unaffected his sounds, how flat his voice is. He can’t work out if that’s from the shock, or if he’s just suddenly a really good actor. Either way it’s working, either way Dan doesn’t seem to be getting the impression that Phil knows who he is. 

And Dan does respond to the whole attempt at pity, but Phil doesn’t really hear it because he’s too busy properly staring now. The dimples are as much as distraction in real life as over Skype, and it’s taking all that he has to not reach out and press his fingers into them. He doesn’t feel any anger, and he always thought he _might_. Not a lot, just a tiny bit of fire in the pit of his stomach. But all he feels now is this want, this overwhelming need to follow Dan around and see if they can still salvage something. Because it’s been eleven years but nothing was ever resolved, nothing ever put to bed, so it’s been a weird state of limbo and now’s finally the chance to stand up straight. 

But it’s hard to stand up straight when you feel so weighed down by a million memories, just looking at Dan brings _too_ much back. It was easy to bury it all away in the back of his mind, but now they’re stood face to face and he can remember every detail—everything they’d ever said to each other. He can remember a whispered _I love you_ , the 3am’s where they were laughing so hard into pillows because they had to be quiet, then he can remember the _other_ 3am’s. The ones were Dan would get this look in his eye, then two seconds later he’d be half naked and getting off to Phil’s messy sentences. 

Phil’s alright though, he knows that all those memories are from a long time ago, and they don’t really mean everything would’ve gone fine. A few good months being _too much_ together on Skype didn’t mean they’d still be together now. Maybe if they had met it would’ve gone fucking awfully, might’ve walked away from the Manchester train station hating each other. But that’s just another what if, and Phil’s already established the what ifs are the worst. 

For now Phil just needs to follow Dan’s lead, let him turn this into something if that’s what he wants. Because Phil’s willing, he likely never stopped being willing. Maybe they can talk it out in a lift, or a hotel room, or back home in London when everything feels less important than it does right and they can just be. 

**Author's Note:**

> [if u wanna reblog on tumblr, i always appreciate it! :D](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/645095705391792128/fictropes-talk-it-out-complete-1159-t-maybe)
> 
> ok i just wanted to add one more little thing to this series. and now it's PROPERLY over. thanku so much everyone who commented and supported this thing :D! <3


End file.
